Monday, 28 November 2011

Friday, 2 September 2011

The Couch Culture

An excellant post http://bastardoldholborn.blogspot.com/2011/09/lifting-potatoes.html re the culture of entitlement & dependancy that has been allowed develop in the UK under Labour rule and to a lesser extent here & how this differs from the culture that prevails in other Countries.

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Memory Lane

I was talking to some of the older people at work the other day about childhood, then & now. It was scary the amount of stuff we all remembered that no longer exists & then one of those joke emails arrived in my inbox on the very same topic, see how you get on.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may remember some of these:

How many do you remember?

Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
There were two postal deliveries per day.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
The street lights were turned off at about 11pm each day.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.

1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (There were only 2 channels.)
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!

I remember 7 very clearly, I don't remember or never even heard of; 2, 4, 5, 11 or 12.







- Posted by LAF using BlogPress.

Monday, 18 April 2011

JOKE FOR TODAY - Donald & Daisy


Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'd thuffocate!"

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Joke for the Day - A DUCK WALKS INTO A BAR!!!

A duck walks into a Bar and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.


The barman looks at him and says,

"Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working too," Says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.
"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a paper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.
"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck."Where is it?"
"At the circus," Says the barman.

"The circus?" Repeats the duck.
"That's right," Replies the barman.
"The circus?" The duck asks again. With the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?"says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .
.
.
.
"What the f**k would they want with a plasterer??!"


You Gotta Laugh a little.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

IF YOU GO DOWN TO THE CHURCH TODAY




The owners of this car got quite a shock when they came out from Mass in Portarlington on Sunday 10th April 2011, all four wheels had been removed and stolen in broad daylight beside a busy road, the thieves didn't even have the decency to leave the car on blocks.

Friday, 18 March 2011

Football Humour

Any Liverpool fans having trouble with facing a 6th year without a trophy can find advice from communications@arsenal.co.uk


UEFA pledged £100 to Comic Relief for every long ball played to Andy Carroll. They've raised enough to cure AIDS.


In light of Fulham's decision to erect a Michael Jackson statue, Arsenal are also planning on putting up a new statue outside their own ground.

A lifesize replica of Bullseye legend Jim Bowen will be placed outside, with the plaque reading: "Let's have a look at what you could have won!"



- Posted by LAF using BlogPress.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

The Planters Daughter: Austin Clarke

The Planters Daughter

When night stirred at sea,
An the fire brought a crowd in
They say that her beauty
Was music in mouth
And few in the candlelight
Thought her too proud,
For the house of the planter
Is known by the trees.

Men that had seen her
Drank deep and were silent,
The women were speaking
Wherever she went --
As a bell that is rung
Or a wonder told shyly
And O she was the Sunday
In every week.

Austin Clarke

- Posted by LAF using BlogPress.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

SOUNDINGS - Poems we did for our Leaving Cert.

I recently acquired & am reading a copy of Soundings, it will either terrorise me or send me on a nostalgic trip back to my school days, English for the Leaving Cert 1988.

See review By Joseph O'Connor in the Sunday Independent http://www.independent.ie/entertainment/books/review-soundings-edited-by-augustine-martin-2372823.html

For those who have never heard of Soundings, it was the Leaving Certificate Poetry book from 1969 to approx 1995, if you still don't remember it you are 1 of 3 things;

1. Too Young to have had it.
2. Too old to have had it.
3. You are not Irish or were not educated in the Republic of Ireland.

Turns out after 23 years, all Nostalgia is Rose Tinted & I am really enjoying going through it.

Here are two of my favourites:


The Windhover:  Gerard Manley Hopkins

To Christ Our Lord


I caught this morning morning's minion, king-
dom of daylight's dauphin, dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon, in his riding
Of the rolling level underneath him steady air, and striding
High there, how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wing
In his ecstasy! then off, off forth on swing,
As a skate's heel sweeps smooth on a bow-bend the hurl and gliding
Rebuffed the big wind. My heart in hiding
Stirred for a bird -- the achieve of; the mastery of the thing!

Brute beauty and valour and act, oh, air, pride, plume, here
Buckle! AND the fire that breaks from thee then, a billion
Times told lovelier, more dangerous, O my chevalier!

No wonder of it: shéer plód makes plough down sillion
Shine, and blue-bleak embers, ah my dear,
Fall, gall themselves, and gash gold-vermillion.


I don't know what Hopkins was on but he was definately sniffing something.



I Felt A Funeral In My Brain:  Emily Dickinson


I felt a funeral in my brain,
And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
That sense was breaking through.

And when they all were seated,
A service like a drum
Kept beating, beating, till I thought
My mind was going numb.

And then I heard them lift a box,
And creak across my soul
With those same boots of lead, again.
Then space began to toll

As all the heavens were a bell,
And being but an ear,
And I and silence some strange race,
Wrecked, solitary, here.

And then a plank in reason broke
And I dropped down and down
And hit a world at every plunge--
And finished knowing then.

I have included the last verse, because it exists but I don't ever remember learning it.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

What is the truth re Job vs Dole?

This is an interesting post from Michael Taft http://bit.ly/elgiG0 it shows up some of the Urban Myths of "being better off on the dole" for what they really are, utter myths & nonsense. Well done that man, it's always the poorest that are targeted when the economy takes a hit.

Saturday, 26 February 2011

General Election 2011 - Memories

There were very few memorable moments or images from Election 2011, but of the few this was by far my favourite image, read all about it here http://www.independent.ie/national-news/elections/comment-analysis/lise-hand-its-not-easy-being-the-uncrowned-king-of-limerick-2546336.html

It's a long way from the heights the little Gimp scaled at GE2007.

Friday, 25 February 2011

An Obituary printed in the London Times


Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.


- Posted by LAF using BlogPress.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's, 70’s, 80’s

First, we survived being born to mothers who drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos .

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer..

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle...

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Burger King or Subway.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We often shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in them, but we weren't overweight because.....

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and cubbies and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY , no video/dvd films, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

FOOTBALL and CRICKET had tryouts & not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT

Our teachers used to hit us with straps and sand shoes and bully's always ruled the playground at school.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, & we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!



I received the above by email recently & while its a little Rose Tinted in parts it is predominately true, in my case anyway, the world may have moved on but sometimes I really do wonder if we are any better off.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Well Worth a Read

This post from Captain Ranty is worth a look http://captainranty.blogspot.com/2011/02/open-letter-to-europhiles.html . Especially as we in Ireland have been so thoroughly enslaved to the EU by our Governments absolute and abject incompetence.

I know it may sound like I'm agreeing with Sinn Fein & Joe Higgins but maybe it is time to say F.U to the E.U.

Monday, 31 January 2011

SO YOU THINK YOU'RE A LOSER?

LIVERPOOL fan Shaun McCormack changed his name at Christmas - and is now called Fernando Torres.

The father of four, 36, changed his name by deed poll to match that of the then Liverpool Centre forward.

Shaun said "It's a dream come true." he did think about changing his name to
Steven Gerard but said he "wanted something a little more flamboyant."

Shaun, from SCUNThorpe, is now putting the name on his birth certificate.

The article from the Sun is well worth a read http://bit.ly/gZ9QAe

What a fucking loser indeed!