He walked straight up to the Gates saying "which way do I go?" I know he must have lost his way as he should have gone below. St Peter's eyes they near popped out "Come in my man," he said. "I hope you've loved your neighbours well?" & boy was Bertie red.
"Of course I've loved my neighbours, from the bankers right on down, I even loved the builders too, that developed every town. I've read my bible & sung my praises, now Heaven I wish to see, so Peter step aside there, the Lord will welcome me."
Now Peter listened patiently & then said with a smile "Your Halo's not quite ready yet so just relax a while & while you wait I'll have a look to see what's in your sack, in case it's not a saintly one or holds an uneducated Tabloid Hack."
"Oh that sack just holds the proof of good deeds that I've wrought, my autobiography & my daughters books & the positions that I bought." But when Peter had a look inside he saw there well stuffed down the Backhanders & brown envelopes that had brought old Ireland down.
St Patrick then came on the scene, his temper far from cool, Bertie tried to shake his hand but Patrick is no fool. Said he "My man do you not think you've pushed your luck too far, we've not forgot all the misery you've caused from West Cork to South Armagh."
St Peter turned to Bertie, his wrath was plain to see saying "Get out you lowly hypocrite & don't try bluffing me, your bluffing days are over now, so out you've gotta go & don't forget your brown envelopes, you may need them down below."
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